Ways to Join the Akatsuki
by TotalTownie
Summary: -CRACK;COMPLETE- Using a *non existent* fan book, we can explore the many different ways OCs join the Akatsuki! (OC/Various Akatsuki members)
1. From AU to Ninja World

**Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. Sad but true. The non existent fan book of tips - 'Ways To Join The Akatsuki' - is mine though.**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fan fiction)**

_**Chapter One - From AU to Ninja World**_

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[The italics **are the words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_To start this one off, you're going to have to create an OC. I suggest either an angsty teenage girl with the world's problems on her shoulders who needs an escape from it all, or an prep who learns something by becoming a ninja. Either way, they have to have very understanding parents - if they don't live with their parents and have no friends or a life, even better!_

_Whether you give them a Japanese or non-Japanese name is completely up to you. Be sure to give them a personality that isn't boring or Mary Sue-ish…Unless you adore flames. Then you can go for it!_

_This way of doing things also opens up the beautiful 'OC x *Insert Random Akatsuki Member's Name Here*' story. Deidara and Sasori appear to be popular choices, but that doesn't mean you can't go for someone like Hidan or, um, Kakuzu - whatever floats your boat!_

_Now let's have an example!_

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"Oh Kami-sama, my life is _soooooo_ boring and stressful!" Fifteen year old Yami flopped back onto her bed, her blonde hair flowing around her. "If only it turned out that my parents signed a contract with some unknown and completely unexplained force to send me into this world for fifteen years and that in a few minutes a porthole will open allowing me back to my _actual_ life where I'm a ninja, and where I shall be forced to become part of a criminal organization and eventually fall in love with one of them, only adding stress to my new life." Standing up, she sighed. "But that is completely and utterly impossible, and will definitely not happen in a million years."

Her bookcase shuddered suddenly, books falling to the floor. Yami walked over to it. "Oh no, I wonder what happened! How stressful!"

The bookcase shuddered again, and the blonde jumped back just in time to see it topple over, revealing some sort of circular glowing thing behind it.

"What the hell?" She questioned, eyeing it carefully. "Ah what the heck, I'm just going to dive straight into it with no regard for the consequences." And with one small run up, she did so, screaming for her life.

Her ears hurt slightly, but it didn't matter as in no time at all she was splayed out on a cold, stone floor.

"Ah, so this is the girl we were promised."

"Fifteen years is a long time…"

"You're so f*cking impatient it's untrue."

"Where am I?" Yami cried out, jumping up quickly and shooting suspicious glances at everyone in the room.

"You're in the Akatsuki base. Your parents signed a contract with some unknown and completely unexplained force that sent you into an alternate world for fifteen years. However a few minutes ago, a porthole opened allowing you back to your _actual_ life where you're a ninja, and where you shall be forced to become part of this criminal organization," an orange haired man explained, stepping into the blonde's line of vision.

Yami grinned widely and nodded. "Oh well, that's fine then!"

"You're not going to protest?"

"Hell no mister!"

"…Welcome to the Akatsuki."

"This is amazing! And to think my parents gave up everything to save me for an issue that would become apparent in later chapters if this wasn't a crappy one off being used as an example to a story about joining the organization I am now a part of!"

"Yeah…Just cut the bull already." A silver haired guy complained.

"Isn't this the part where the OC gets a crush on someone?" A blue haired woman asked in a monotone, glancing around at the lucky guys up for the job.

Yami also glanced around. "Aw crud, nothing for it! I'll just do it in the most logical way possible! Eenie meenie minee mo, catch a sailor by the toe-"

"Isn't there something else you can insert there, un? That seems so childish."

"Deidara shut up."

"That's rude to senpai!"_ (AN: Yes, both Tobi and Sasori are in this story. Isn't the normal reason something like Sasori was resurrected by some super cool life force and as a result was allowed to return to the Akatsuki? No? Well tough shizz, that's what happened here.)_

"Okay, done!" Her finger has fallen on Zetsu. "He's so cute! His form makes him look like a human but a plant at the same time! Yayz and so on."

And so, the story continues from there, with everyone prancing and prating around, being completely out of character. How wonderful for all involved.

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_As you saw, I did all the necessary things for that to be passable. The OC accepted everything without question, some romance was worked in and there was a quite long authoresses' note in the middle of the story, explaining something I could've said at the start or end._

_Also notice the subtle hints I gave to show she'd join the Akatsuki: her life was full of stress - although that stress wasn't explored, so we're not sure if it even existed - and her name was 'Yami', which means dark in Japanese. Like, duh._

_More tips next chapter!_

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**End**

**I mean no offence with this, let's make that clear right now. It's crack. And I enjoy reading OC/Akatsuki stories. **

**As for the ways you can get OC's to join the Akatsuki, I find many of them to be creative. I'm not attacking them, just offering a spin on things.**

**If you don't like it, don't read it. I'll accept constructive criticism, but I don't want some randomer flaming me for taking the piss or whatever. Just so we're clear (:**

**With all that out the way, drop me a review! See ya!**


	2. Please Don't Leave Me x Take Me With You

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto :( But I do own the *non existent* fan book! :')**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

_**Chapter Two - Please Don't Leave Me/Take Me With You**_

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**[The **_italics_ **are words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_This chapter will further explore the romance/friendship bond/s between an OC and an Akatsuki member; however this takes placed prior to said members defection from their specific hidden village._

_It is important you understand fully your chosen Akatsuki member's past, reasons for leaving their village, etc. Not doing so will ensure comments such as 'What the hell?', 'That didn't happen!' and 'Itachi didn't leave the village to go on holiday…' from your dear reviewers. (If you chose to make up an excuse because you are too lazy to do research, at least make it believable. 'Because he wanted to' isn't a sufficient reason.)_

_Again, you have the chance to make an OC. The same rules as last time - having a Japanese or non Japanese name is up to you; their personality cannot be boring or Mary Sue-ish - adhere._

_Example time!_

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"Ha! Now I've killed you all, and I can seek out the Akatsuki and join them! Ha! Losers!" Kisame laughed evilly, japing the dead bodies with his sword. "And now I'm going to stand here for a very long time for no apparent reason as ninjas that have been alerted to my dastardly deeds takes ages to get here!" Another round of laughter erupted from the shark-man's mouth.

"Noooo! Kisame-kun!" A whiny shriek interrupted the mostly quiet night. "Kisame-kun!"

Kisame turned his head just in time to see a young woman jump into view, tears streaming her pretty little face.

"What're you doing here Mizu?"

She was beautiful. Her jet black hair was flapping in the wind, brown eyes full of salt water. She was wearing a typical jounin uniform, the flak jacket undone.

"Kisame-kun! You didn't tell me you were leaving! How…How could you!"

"I have to go, don't you see?" He replied dramatically, trying to keep his emotions in control. "This place, this village…It's not my home anymore!"

"B-but…I'm here…You can't say that…" Mizu stammered, darting over to him and grabbing his arm. "You can't…I won't let you…"

He pulled out of her grasp. "I'm leaving. I'm sorry Mizu…This is for the best."

"No! I already said you can't! Think of the children!"

"I can't do that- Wait what children?"

The girl put a sheepish smile on, averting her eyes. "Well you see Kisame-kun, I was gonna tell you tomorrow morning…I'm kinda sorta pregnant."

Cue shark-man's ragged breathing.

"With twins."

Kisame fell to his knees, hands on the ground.

"Kisame-kun, calm down! You'll be a great daddy!"

"How the f*ck can I join the Akatsuki now?"

"Take me with you." The dramatics were still well and truly on. "Please Kisame-kun! Besides, they'll accept me 'cause I just killed the Mizukage's brother."

Kisame sighed, relieved. "Oh, that's cool then. Let's go."

"Shouldn't we pack first?"

"I said let's go!"

"Okay!"

And with that the two lovers walked into the sun rise to start their new lives as S-Rank criminals.

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_Another perfect example executed by this amazing and so not crap book._

_Notice this time as I paid no attention to whether or not the Mizukage at the time had a brother or not and that, once again, our Akatsuki member is quite out of character. Makes for a rather lovely romantic scene, even if I did alter things so it'd go my way. But whatever. It must be done for the sake of Fanfiction!_

_Check out the next chapter for more ideas!_

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**End**

**Kisame-san is a daddy ^-^ Who wouldn't want a mutant shark man for a father? Nobody wouldn't? Good!**

**Thanks to my reviewers: The Chocolate Queen, icrazy3477 & Echo Uchiha. Glad y'all liked it ^_^**

**Nothing else to say but please review! Seriously even if I only get one review for this chapter, I'll be happy. And knowing people read and enjoy this makes me write more chapters!**

**See ya next time!**

**PS: You do not know how much FF (.) net is bothering me right now DX I can get such bad OCD it's untrue! It bothers me that everything keeps travelling to the left hand side...Some of it should be in the middle ¬_¬ Dammit! I swear it's just happening to me and that irritates me so much T_T [Please excuse me, had to get out of my system. Bye bye~!]**


	3. Screw This, I'm Joining The Dark Side

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. The crappy fan book is all miney mine though (:**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Three - Screw This, I'm Joining The Dark Side_**

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**[The** _italics _**are words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_Welcome to chapter three, where we shall be looking at yet another way an OC can join the Akatsuki. _

_This chapter's particular way is by making your OC abandon their hidden village - sharp readers may recall a version of this from the last chapter._

_Anyway, it goes without saying by now that you can make an OC - I'm not about to go over the criteria again - and come up with an amazing reason for said defection._

_If you wanted to go one step further, you could have the OC do something terrible, but I won't explain that just yet._

_Let's have an example!_

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"Ah…It's amazing to be living in the amazing Land of Lightning!" Storm sighed, earning weird looks from passers by as she waltzed through the village. "Who cares if I'm meant to be doing missions what with me being a ninja and everything; I'm the main character of this one-shot and therefore will have _waaaay _too much free time until I overhear the elders of our amazing village talking about the Akatsuki and I suddenly decide to betray everyone for no good reason." She smiled, gazing up at the sky. "Shit! I'm meant to be hanging around in the Raikage's tower for no good reason!" Storm dashed away, and was there in no time at all - what with her being a ninja from the Land of Lightning and all - ready to loiter and such.

"Yeah, I heard about that too."

Storm made an 'eep' noise and quickly hid, wanting to know what the other ninja - who were probably loitering around too - were talking about.

"Can you believe what they're doing though? And even worse, they don't get caught."

'Who?' Storm almost wanted to yell in frustration.

"Those Akatsuki…"

_Akatsuki? Who're they? They must be powerful if nobody can catch 'em. Sounds pretty awesome…Wait, what am I saying? _The young girl hit herself on the forehead, hard. _The Akatsuki are evil, that's what they're saying! I can't consider joining them…_

"Some of the village girls say most of the guys that joined are hot…Geez. How shallow…"

_Hot guys? Omigod oimygod…_Storm breathed out, making plans in her head. _Where do I sign up?_

Later that night, Storm quietly left the village. Nobody questioned her; she was too innocent.

Some time later she found out the Akatsuki's whereabouts and was allowed to join - she begged and threatened until they couldn't take it anymore and gave in.

And thus concludes Storm's tale.

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_Short, simple and mostly to the point. Notice how this particular one shot had the Akatsuki do nothing but be talked about, and that this was an OC's tale. Fun…?_

_Also see how the OC was memorable because I gave her a trait for repeating things. _

_Well, that's pretty much it so, until next time! Bye bye!_

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**Yo. I'm sorry for not updating quicker! This chapter was started but I didn't think it sounded right so I left it. Then I went to a sleepover on Friday, was too tired to do anything Saturday and Sunday, and was doing homework yesterday. Forgive me? :3 I even updated on an odd day! [Day seven! But I couldn't leave it till day eight!]**

**Thanks to my reviewers: Echo Uchiha, Ria - The Ninja of Time, The Chocolate Queen [Agreed!] & icrazy3477. Glad you liked it!**

**Please review! See y'all soon!**


	4. From Ninja World To AU Part a

**Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine. I own 'Ways To Join The Akatsuki' though. Take that Kishi-sensei!**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Four - From Ninja World To AU (a)_**

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**[The words in **_italics _**are from the *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_Sharp readers may glance at the title of this chapter and recall fond memories of the first chapter. For those who are staring blankly or having to stop reading in order to check, keep your eyes here and I shall explain: This chapter is the first's in the opposite order._

_Anyway, on with explanations. Rather than having the OC come to the Akatsuki, we have the Akatsuki come to the OC in this particular set up._

_There are two ways of doing this - Akatsuki humans and Akatsuki animals - so we shall explore the first in this chapter, and the other next time._

_Let us begin!_

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"Oh geez today was so hard…I had that surprise math test and then that surprise history pop quiz then the teachers forced us outside in the rain and then in science sir blew his desk up and then the heating in school broke and then the only food in the canteen was chocolate fudge cake and people ate so much they felt sick but we still had lessons and then everyone's work was accidentally wiped in computer tech and then in last lesson we had no scripts for drama so we played 'duck, duck, goose' for an hour and then we were released and now my key won't fit in the lock because I'm not concentrating and haven't realised it's the wrong key…" Sixteen year old Hoshi grumbled to herself, repeatedly poking her key into the lock for the best part of ten minutes before the lock broke and the door swung open. "Finally!" Ignoring the squeaking door now hanging loose, Hoshi stepped inside and shoved the broken door closed.

She took off her shoes and coat, placing her bag down and made her way to the living room, sitting down and watching the TV…Not noticing the grown men - and woman - standing and seated around the room, staring at her.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

Five…

"What the hell?" She suddenly yelled.

"She's noticed?"

"This is a repeat!" Hoshi finished, slamming her fist down onto the arm of the chair and turning to one of the guys. "Hello by the way."

"…The f*ck?"

"This girl is stupid, un."

"I heard that you blonde…man!"

A woman with blue hair coughed pointedly. "Let me handle this. I am a woman after all."

"Konan is a f*cking girl?" A guy with silver hair seemed genuinely surprised. "Why didn't anyone tell me? It means that now I don't have to feel weird about fancying her!"

"I'll kill you after." Konan glared at the man and stood in front of Hoshi. "Aren't you going to question why we're here?"

"Nope. I like having company. Make yourselves at home for as long as you want."

"So you don't care that we're an evil organization who were zapped into your world and we may never be able to get back, and that you looking after us may have some terrible and painful consequences."

"Um…As long as you guys look after the place and help me with paying rent and shopping and stuff, I don't care. Welcome to my house," the girl answered, trying to look around the blue haired lady to change the channel.

"And you also don't care that this makes you part of our organization now?"

"Whatever. Does this mean I get one of those cloaks?" She frowned. "I'm not wearing it at school though, I think I'd just _die_."

"Tobi likes this girl~!"

In the corner, an orange haired man sank to the floor, wailing. "Why? Why are all the members of my precious organization idiots?"

"Hey can you shut up? I'm trying to watch my show."

"_Whyyyyyyy_?"

"Shut up!"

"…Sorry."

And so Hoshi let the evil people live in her house.

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_There we have it. Another beautiful example of how things are done._

_Next time we shall have a version with animals in it._

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**Well, that's chapter four done and dusted. It's kinda difficult writing without M, and making it up without being too offensive but funny too. You be the judge!**

**Thank you to: Jynxy119, Kagahara Tobi, Noel14, Echo Uchiha, Lizakon and Ozzy Blaze. Your feedback is very valuable and some of your comments amuse me to no end. And it's you guys that make me feel this thing is worthwhile :D**

**Review please! And tune in next time! **


	5. From Ninja World To AU Part B

**Disclaimer: I am not Kishimoto-sensei. Therefore I don't own Naruto. However…'Ways To Join The Akatsuki' is mine.**

**Ways To join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Five - From Ninja World To AU (b)_**

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**[The words in **_italics _**are from the *non existent* fan-book 'Ways To Join The Akatsuki'.]**

_This is the second part of the last chapter, meaning Akatsuki animals (!). Don't lose your heads in the excitement my dears._

_So yes…it's the Akatsuki…in animal form. That's all I can say. _

_Now let us begin._

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**[A/N: Just to say, if you don't know who the real leader of the Akatsuki is, there is a spoiler later on ^_^]**

It was another totally average day. A completely self centred OC walks to her house complaining of the day she has had, I.e.: "My life is so full of crap it's untrue. I hate the world. Flowers are pretty." etc.

As the OC - who's name is Sammi by the way - reaches her door step and trips over a box.

"Dammit! Who the hell put this here? Oh Kami-sama give me a break okay? My life sucks already and-"

"Shut the f*ck up!"

Sammi looks around, her emerald green eyes wide with confusion. "Who said that?" She the proceeds to stand up and look around for fifteen minutes. "Hell_ooooo_?"

"I'm constantly surrounded by idiots…"

"Hey Kakuzu shut the f*ck up!"

The girl blinked before cautiously making her way over to the box and lifting the lid.

Inside were a bunch of gerbils…But they weren't ordinary gerbils.

Well unless you class normal gerbils as the following: one with an orange face and black body; one entirely yellow with hair over one eye and a little blonde ponytail; one a brick red with sleepy looking eyes; one ginger with what looked piercing all of over its face; one blue with a mini flower over its ear; one also blue with a shark fin sticking out of its back and gills on its neck; one black with a ponytail and wrinkles running past its nose; a silver one wearing a mini necklace and a scythe attached to its back and a brown one with stitching patterns in its fur.

The latter two appeared to be growling at each other, the others watching; some in anticipation, the others bored.

"Bring it on old man!"

"I did warn you I'd kill you one day Hidan."

"Hey! Little animals! Stop fighting!" With that, Sammi picked the two gerbils up by the scruffs of the neck, totally ignoring the fact that they could talk.

"Let go bitch!"

"Stupid girl."

And then she remembered. "Why are you talking? Why can you talk?"

"Well," the orange one began, only to be interrupted by the screaming of, "Why? The doctor said if I ignored them, the voices would stop! Why aren't they stopping?"

"Can we talk-"

"Make the voices stop!"

The silver gerbil, tired and pissed off promptly bit Sammi's hand, shutting her up (rather than shouting her head off, she sucked the wound).

"Thank you Hidan. Now," the orange gerbil continued in an irritated tone. "We're not really gerbils. We're super criminals from an alternate universe known as the Akatsuki. For some strange reason we were poofed here and turned into gerbils."

"Even though you're the only person we've talked to in the place, we know for sure that you're the only one who can hear us speaking like this." The blue gerbil shrugged her little shoulders. "Crappy plots huh?"

Sammi stopped sucking her hand to nod. "I agree. Anyway, rather than talking about something that has nothing to do with the story, why don't I take you inside and you can introduce yourselves to me and vice versa." Placing the two gerbils she'd picked up earlier back into the box, she lifted it up, opened the door with one hand and carried it through to the living room, lifting each gerbil out one by one and putting them on the table.

"I'm Sammi. Your turns."

"Pain," the orange one said. "I'm the leader."

"Tobi," the black and orange one said. "I'm actually the true leader."

"Konan," the blue one introduced. "I'm the sole girl in the entire organization. Although because you'll inevitably end up looking after us, there are two of us now."

"Deidara," the yellow one said, flicking its fringe slightly. "I have a habit of saying 'un' in my sentences, un. I also enjoy blowing things up, un."

"Sasori," the one who looked like he was on crack said. "I'm not actually that evil. I like puppets!" The other gerbils backed away slightly.

"Hidan" the silver one said. "The others say I have a f*cking swearing problem. I don't have a f*cking problem you fussy bitches!" Sammi stared at him.

"Kakuzu," the last one said. "Money is very important to me."

"Okay…" The girl replied, smiling. "I guess I'll look after you. Make yourselves at home. Ask me if you need anything!"

- Two Hours Later -

"Oi Sammi, could you hurry up with my three course dinner?"

"You're a gerbil! You don't need a three course meal you fat ba-"

"Sammi, Tobi fell in the toilet!"

"Again?"

"Sammi!"

"Sammi!"

"Sammi!"

She shrieked wordlessly.

And so that is how an OC became a bunch of gerbil's slave.

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_Notice how Sasori and Tobi were both in this story again. It either satisfies fans or confuses the hell out of them. Ah well._

_Until next time!_

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**If any of you have read Naruto Random Rants, did you notice the little reference in there? Tee hee…**

**Also, do you know how badly I wanted to add something like 'and the authoress of this story thinks I'm cute' to Dei-kun's piece? Well, now you do =^_^=**

**Thank you to: WindCompass13, Akatsuki's a bang, Noel14, Lizakon, Grimmjow's girl, The Jackal, Ozzy Blaze and Echo Uchiha. Once again, your comments made me both laugh out loud and put a funny grin on my face.**

**Please review! Keep that stupid smile on my face! [It'll disappear come Monday…Unless some sweet guy gives me a Valentine =u_u=…]**

**See ya soon!**


	6. On Santa's Naughty List

**Disclaimer: Last I checked, I didn't own Naruto. Although I still own 'Ways To Join The Akatsuki', so all is cool I guess.**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Six - On Santa's Naughty List_**

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**[The words in **_italics _**are from the *non existent* fan-book 'Ways To Join The Akatsuki'.]**

_As the title suggests, this time we're focusing more on the OC doing something bad and being sought after by the Akatsuki. _

_I may have to warn you in advance: the crime committed may cause those of you with a weaker disposition to…Alas, I cannot imagine what may occur. All I can say is I hope you are able to press forward._

_With that, let us go!_

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Her heart was pounding in her ears. What if someone found out what she'd done? Just imagining the consequences was enough to chill someone as cold as herself to the bone.

The door swung open, and the girl grabbed a kunai, preparing to strike.

Two dark figures were standing in the door way, silhouetted against the night, lightening flaring dramatically around them. It was like something out of a horror film…If they, you know, even existed in the ninja world.

"What the hell do you want?" The girl growled when nothing was said and no one made a move to strike.

"Are you the one they call Tama of the icy heart?"

"Yes- They actually call me that?" Tama asked, intrigued.

The second of the two figures coughed pointedly.

"Oh right sorry! We're meant to be all dark and shit." Red haired Tama waved a hand in apology, bowing her head and lifting it when she was in character. "Yes, I am she. What is it you want from me?"

"We hear you committed a crime and are now estranged from your village."

Tama smirked. "That is correct."

"Please, tell us more about this crime."

"Well," the girl began, ready to have a flash back.

- _Flash back _-

"Hah…If I do this deed, it'll totally devastate the entire village and at that moment, I'll demand to rule the village…They'll all be so upset and confused they'll hand power over to me, and then I'll give this place a new name…" Tama paused for effect. "Tama world! Muhahahahahahahaha!" She stopped her laughter in order to look up at the statues. "Now all I have to do is figure out a way to push these things over…"

For the next hour, Tama pushed at the statues with no result.

"Dammit! Why the f*ck won't they go over? Bastards!"

"Hey Steve…Did you hear that?"

"Sure did Bob…Someone is using foul language by the sacred statues! Let's go kill them!"

"Shit! Gotta escape-!"

"Yeah! We got the foul mouthed bi-"

"Don't use bad language near the statues! Come on! Let's take her to the head!"

-_ Flash back end _-

"In order to sum up the rest of my tale, I was told to leave the village due to using bad words near the sacred statues."

The two other people sat in silence, dumb founded.

"We came to this girl _why_?"

"We're short on members! Besides…She's…funny…?"

"Pain, when you and me get back, we're going to have a long talk…Possibly with a therapist present."

"Konan, don't be cruel to me!" It was then Pain's turn to bow his head and lift it once in character. "Ahem…Anyway…Tama, we would like you to join the Akatsuki, a band of super elite S Rank criminals."

"And Hidan," Konan input.

Far away in the Akatsuki man cave, our 'favourite' silver haired Jashinist sneezed, the blonde haired artist Deidara pausing in his work to say, "Someone must be talking about you, yeah."

Back with the idiots- I mean, the OC and persuaders…

"You want me to join you guys?"

"Yes…Join us, and we'll rule the galaxy, father and so-"

"What? Dude." The red head shook her head. "This is _Naruto_. No need for lame Star Wars puns here. Besides, I'm a girl, and you're not my father."

"Oh Kami-sama…" Putting a hand over Pain's mouth, the female Akatsuki member took over. "Will you join us or not?"

Tama's orbs slid to Pain for a second, then back to Konan. "As long as there'll be no more puns from him, yeah! You've got yourself a new member!"

"Excellent. Well, let's go!"

And so that is how Tama of the icy heart - "No seriously, they call me that?" - became Akatsuki's newest member.

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_I introduced the lovely technique that is the flashback. It takes skill, skill that I am confident you people possess. And if you didn't before, reading that may have imbedded it into your mind._

_Until next time!_

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**End**

**Ah Hidan…As much as I love the dude, he really is fun to take the piss out of. Along with Pain and…Pretty much all the members!**

**Right, I have some good news and some bad news for you people.**

**Bad news****: We're nearing the end of WTJTA. Sorry guys, but I have, at the max, four more chapter ideas left in me before they get…**_**Too**_** weird.**

**Good news****: The finale will be epic! I have a clear idea for it and I hope that, when it comes, you'll be impressed!**

**I may also be up to writing a sequel for this, though not as long, I think. It'll either be 'Ways To Become A Ninja' or 'What Not To Do On The Job By Haruno Sakura' [the last one may have a touch of SasuSaku in it…].**

**Tell me what you think in your reviews or by PMing me!**

**Thanks to: Moonlight'sServant, LizaKon, icrazy3477 [Hey, no prob! Glad you liked both ^^], Echo Uchiha [:D How'd I know you'd get it? Nice!], The Chocolate Queen and WindCompass13. Valued as always guys!**

**With that done, catch ya next time!**


	7. Who's an Evil Genius? You Are!

**Disclaimer: I'm running out of ways to say I don't own Naruto and- Oh, there we go.**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Seven - Who's An Evil Genius? You Are!_**

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**[The **_italics_** are the words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_This way could be considered cheating I suppose. Ah well - it works, that's the main thing._

_This one requires the skill of ignorance. You have to pretend a lot of things that happened in the manga __didn't__. "Ah well," I say again - it's all for the sake of good fanfiction. _

_I'm sure you're all dying to know what the method this time is, so here you go: this OC is making its way into the Akatsuki by being the child of Konan and Pain! (Note: Anyone can be the parents…Well, I say anyone, Konan has to be the mother as she is the sole woman but any of the others can be the father. Unless you create another OC.)_

_Now I know you're all on the edge of your seats so I'll begin and allow you feast your eyes on the goodness that is the example!_

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A cry is heard around the Akatsuki man cave. A blue haired woman flops back onto the pillow. An orange haired man has long since passed out, a silver haired man enjoying himself immensely by poking, hitting, etc said orange haired man in order to wake him up.

The - kidnapped - doctor smiles and after checking the child, hands her over to her mother.

"C-congratulations Konan-sama; you've given birth to a healthy baby girl."

The baby wriggles a little in her mother's arms before settling.

- _Time skip! _-

Aged seventeen, the child - named Ko - has grown into a young lady.

She's sitting at breakfast one day when Tobi sits next to her.

"Ko-chan!" His face moves a little closer.

"Tobi-san…"

"Ko-chan!" Even closer…

"T-Tobi-san…"

"Ko-chan!" Almost touching… **[A/N: XD Rosario + Vampire!]**

"What the hell do you want Tobi-san?" Ko finally asks, her heavy lidded eyes looking at Tobi with an impartial expression.

"Ah~! Did I annoy Ko-chan? Tobi is very sorry!" He then proceeds to grab her by the shoulders and swing her back and forth.

"Tobi-san stop now or I'll kill you."

Tobi stops.

"What do you want?" She repeats, edging backwards on her chair. "If you're here because Deidara-san asked you to talk to me, it wasn't me who stole his clay sculpture of that girl he mentions from time to time. I swear Zetsu ate it. I have proof!"

"No! Tobi is here because Leader-sama asked me to come! He wants to talk to you!"

"Dad does? Huh." She stands up and makes her way to the door. "Better see what he wants then."

She walks down the corridor and straight into her father's room without knocking.

"Ah Ko…"

"Ah dad…I don't get why you insist on using your work voice to me. But whatever. Tobi-san said you wanted me."

"That I do. Now, I wanted to tell you something we" - He indicates to Konan who rolls her eyes - "have been keeping secret from you for seventeen years now."

"If you're gonna tell me that you along with mom do not run a 'magical candy factory' like you've been telling me since I can remember and that in fact this is the feared - though Kami knows why that is - ninja organization the Akatsuki, then you don't need to bother."

"No! You see here's the thing- Wait! How the hell did you know?"

Ko mirrored her mother's earlier action, adding a smack to the head. "It's kind of obvious."

"But…But how?"

"Uh, well there's the cloaks and the fact that everyone is scared of us wherever we go, and your name. I mean 'Pain'?" She snorts. "It's the sort of thing a criminal would come up with. Not to mention I've not heard of the name 'Pain' being used as a 'magical candy factory' boss' name before."

"I told you our daughter was just like me," Konan inputs, frowning. "I'm glad she got my brains. And most of my looks."

"You're smart, I'll give you that. But now that you know everything, you have two choices-"

"Yeah yeah, join or die right? How clichéd. Geez. I'll join. Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

"Well there are rules-"

"Don't reveal identity to outside world, don't give away secrets, always wear that damn cloak even if 'visiting' Sunagakure…" Ko yawns. "I have a rule for you then: if out in public, regardless of whether or not I'm with you, I'm not related to you. If you even show we're related, _I'll_ be the one killing _you_ dad."

"Oh Ko-chan, you're so harsh…I've raised you well!"

"…Oh Kami. I'm leaving now. _You're_ so uncool."

"I heard that! You'd better have tidied your room young lady!"

"Whatever."

(A little while later…)

"What? Where's my precious statue, un?"

Ko quickly locks the door to her room. "Zetsu ate it! I have proof! I shall not be accused!"

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_Yet again, a skill: the time skip. I'm sure many of you are most learned after reading this guide._

_See you next chapter!_

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**End**

**Phew! Chapter seven done! [Only three chapters left T^T] The title for this chap was difficult to come up with! I tried song titles with 'Baby' in it but was so close to going down the JB route that I stopped ;) The OC this time wasn't as funny either, I think...  
**

**Okay, random bit: if any of you guys are romantics - like myself - or read shoujo manga/watch shoujo anime - like myself…you get the idea - I recommend reading Beast Master. It's so cute ^_^~**

**Anyways! On the honours- I mean reviewer list this time around are lemondropseverus, icrazy3477, Echo Uchiha, Lizakon, Noel14 and Ozzy Blaze. Big thanks to you all!**

**And with all that said and done, I ask you to review and then leave you until next time! See ya!**

**PS: I'm still not quite sure of what to write after this is done…What would you people like to see? Tell in your reviews or PM me! [I don't bite!] It'd help me quite a bit ^^**


	8. Who's The Daddy? I Am! Sort Of

**Disclaimer: Me plus Naruto equals negative. Me plus the story idea equals positive. Simple maths (:**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Eight - Who's The Daddy? I Am! Sort Of._**

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**[The **_italics_** are the words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_This involves your OC being a baby again…Well, for some of it. You need it at the start, definitely as otherwise the idea doesn't make sense…And if your fic doesn't make sense, then you should be asking the question your reviewers and readers are thinking: "Wait, what?"_

_Ah the lessons we learn…_

_Now without further a due, let's begin!_

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Zetsu was just walking along, minding his own business after having gone to a town and scared most of the people to death when a cry suddenly sounded.

"Oh my, what was that?"

"**I'll be buggered if I know."**

"Should we check it out?"

"**You're probably hearing things."**

"I am you! And you heard it too so I can't be hearing things because then you'd be hearing things!"

"**Dude…I'm so confused now."**

Interrupting their argument/heated discussion was yet another cry, this time closer.

"It came from that tree~!"

"**Fine. Let's see." [A/N: That rhymed! :DDD]**

Zetsu ran over to the tree, finding a hole in the trunk. He peered inside, his eyes falling on a blanket wrapped bundle - the thing giving the cries.

Carefully he reached out for it. It felt quite warm, so he concluded it must have been there for a few minutes.

He unwrapped it. Inside the bundle was a baby girl.

"Hey! A human child!"

"**Should we eat it? It's probably been abandoned anyway…"**

White Zetsu shook all of Zetsu's head. "No…She looks so cute all curled up like that."

"**Oh Kami-sama, you're too soft!"**

"Shh! You'll wake her!" He frowned as much as could. "Besides, we already established you _are _me!"

"…**Why the hell do I even bother?"**

At that moment, the child chose to open her eyes and stare at the plant man. Said plant man flinched a little - after all, he's a Venus fly trap-man monster hybrid thing and therefore quite scary looking. Surely he'd scare the child…

She smiled radiantly, surprising him greatly.

"You're not…scared?"

The girl gurgled at the sound of Zetsu's voice and moved her hands as if applauding him.

"**We could always…ask Leader-sama if we could keep her. We could raise her to be evil and have interests in ruling the world and such."**

"That's a great idea! Let's go!"

_~Cut to the Akatsuki Man Cave…~_

"So what you're saying is…You were just walking along when you heard a sound and after having a pointless argument with yourself you found her and decided not to eat her and being her here in order to ask me if we could keep her?" Pain asked the plant man over his hands.

"Yep!"

The girl made an adorable noise. Konan 'aww'-ed. Pain flung his hands to the side in an 'I don't care either way' gesture (either that or it was kinda gay…).

"Yeah, I don't mind. Just as long as you fulfil your evil duties and so on you can keep her."

"Thank you Leader-sama!"

"**We're going to introduce her to the others."**

"Have you decided on a name?" Konan asked in an interested tone.

"Uh…No."

"What about 'Hayashi'? It's the Japanese word for forest and-"

"**Haven't most of the OCs in this story had Japanese names? I think we should even it out a little."**

"Fine…What name are you thinking?"

"How about Jade? 'Cause forests are green but that doesn't sound like a proper name but jade is a shade of green and-"

"Yeah yeah 'Jade' it is. Just get out of my office so I can resume doing…Leader type things." Pain - who was on a swing-y chair - turned his back.

"Over dramatic fool," Konan muttered under her breath, Zetsu smirking as he left the room.

_~Cut yet again, this time to the Man Cave's living room!~_

"So you're saying that on top of eating people, watching fights, doing errands for Leader-sama and just generally being up to no good, you're going to look after this baby?" Kisame asked, attempting to sum up what had just been told to them.

"**Correction, **_**we **_**are looking after the baby who's name is Jade."**

There was silence for a few moments.

"Does this mean I have to spend money?"

"Why the f*ck are you assuming I'd help?" Hidan sniffed. "I don't even like kids."

More silence.

"Seriously, do I have to spend money? I'm going crazy here!"

"You bastard."

"Shut the f*ck up!"

"Don't swear in front of children Hidan, it isn't very nice."

"Please. She's like five months old. What makes you think she'd understand anything we're-"

"F*ck!" Jade gurgled. "F*ck!"

"Awww! Jade said her first word and Tobi was here to witness it!"

Meanwhile Hidan rushed out of the room as killing intent - and screams of, "My precious money!" - filled the air.

_~More time jumping! Seventeen years later…~_

And just like the last chapter- I mean, and as what normally happens as a girl gets older, Jade developed into a beautiful young woman which did not go unnoticed by all of the Akatsuki - besides Tobi who was blissfully unaware as always - including her adopted father, Zetsu.

As time went on, Zetsu realised he loved the girl with all of his plant-man heart and so sought to confess his love.

He knocked on her door.

"It's open!" She called from inside. Her face lit up when she saw who it was. "Zetsu-kun- I mean Zetsu-san!

"Hello Jade, the love of my life- I mean Jade! Super to see you!"

"What do you want from me?"

"**How long have you got?"**

"Noooo shut up you!"

"**I am you-"**

"I am not doing this again."

"**Neither am I."**

"But I am you and- Ah!"

Jade coughed pointedly.

"Oh sorry Jade! Where was I?" He put a hand to his chin in thought. "Oh yeah! I'm here to confess my undying love to you as this is typically what happens in this type of fic. I was hoping to do it more subtly but as I'm not the author of this fic I can't do anything about it!" He smiled - very out of character - and waited. "What do you say to my confession?"

"I'm so glad you love me and I'm going to be a clichéd type of OC and accept your confession despite the fact that you've raised me as your own and so- Ah who cares, just kiss me already!" With that Jade flung herself at Zetsu who responded enthusiastically and rainbows and flowers and other stuff that shouldn't be here but are for effect appeared.

And then some smart ass came in with the comment, "Isn't this classed as incest?"

And the same killing intent that was in the air seventeen years ago returned to kill the smart ass.

* * *

_I have nothing much to say about this chapter but you've seen more time jumping skillz. I hope you are able to apply them effectively to your stories._

_Return next chapter for more!_

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**End**

**Oh god…I had so much trouble with this chapter, it is untrue.**

**So I got the idea and because it's so obvious I was confident I'd come up with something. I started work. I stopped. I returned to it everyday. I could not think of anything better. Sorry if this one isn't as good guys! 8(**

**Thankies to: Noel14, The Chocolate Queen, Ozzy Blaze, LizaKon [Thank you for the idea - you guessed the next chapter with that suggestion!], Echo Uchiha, Kagahara Tobi and BluBelba [Thanks for your suggestions too! And in response I'd love love **_**love **_**to do more than one example per chapter but it's quite difficult coming up with one sometimes…and I'm quite lazy u_u'].**

**Sooo…Review peoples! They make me happy! *Starts singing 'Simple Pleasures'***

**With this chapter I get closer to the end…My first multi chaptered competed story…It's quite bittersweet…T_T~**

**See you next time!**


	9. Hi, Welcome to EVIL High!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto dammit! **

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_Chapter Nine - Hi, Welcome to EVIL High!_**

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**[The **_italics_** are the words from my *non existent* crappy fan book.]**

_In this chapter we are entering the realms of the high school fic. Many have tried, not all have been successful…_

_We're taking it one step further too, what with the addition of the Akatsuki into the mix…_

_Now observe the example I have cooked up!_

* * *

It was all quiet in the school building for about three seconds until-

"Hey there everybody! Kira-chan is here! Yeah! Get excited!" The star of this one-shot burst into the class room, greatly startling the pupils assembled. "Ha! I bet you all thought that 'cause I'm new and stuff that I'd be shy, huh? Well you thought wrong!"

"Excuse me young lady…I was going to ask you to introduce yourself but you've, um, done that yourself already so…" The teacher shrugged. "Just take that free seat near the back there and attempt to talk _normally_ to the other students before homeroom is over."

The brown haired girl did as she was told, before turning to the nearest person and smiling manically. "Hi there!"

The guy winced away from the loudness. "Um h-hello…"

"What wrong?"

He wondered briefly if it was appropriate to say, "You're what's wrong." Instead he settled with, "Oh, just not a morning person that's all."

"Oh really?" Kira put on a mad/concerned expression. "Maybe you're not getting enough sleep!"

"I, um d-don't think that's the problem-"

He was cut off as a silver haired figure sauntered into the room.

"Hidan that's the third time this week you've been late…" The teacher started, only to be silenced with a glare. "Just take a seat-Ah! That's if you want to of course, you don't have to sit down…"

"Who's that?" Kira asked - or should that be shouted.

Hidan turned his glare onto the brunette. "Who the f*ck do you think you're talking about?"

"Well you, silly!"

There was a collective gasp from all in the room. Oh no she didn't!

The silver haired guy marched up to Kira and bent down so he was level with her. "Listen up bitch, me and the guys say what goes around here, and I don't f*cking appreciate you" - at this point he jabbed a finger into her chest - "calling me 'silly'. People that pull stunts like that end up-"

"At the bottom of a river?" Kira suggested brightly, her expression curious.

"No, I was gonna say 'f*cked' but that's good too…I might have to use it…If you don't mind?"

"Nah. But you should be threatening me so…"

"Oh right, sorry." Hidan paused momentarily to get himself back into the mood. "So if you wanna survive around here, don't and I mean f*cking do _not_ prance about here like you're the high queen of the school, 'cause I can tell you now bitch, you're far from it. You're not even the chewing gum on the bottom of my f*cking shoe."

"Nice counter! I mean…You're a bastard!"

Another gasp. Oh no she didn't again!

"Me and you ain't gonna get on very well now, are we?"

"I'll make sure of it, you big bully!"

"Bitch!" With that, Hidan stomped out of the room.

_~Time jumping! (Oh you kids and your time jumping!)~_

On the school roof a few weeks later, the hardest people in the school met up.

Pain, the orange haired leader, called for silence. "Guys."

They carried on talking.

"Guys."

Talking.

"Listen up you gay f*cktards!"

They shut up. Pain gave a rare smirk, mentally noting to use that line for attention in the future.

"Right…I'm sure you're all aware by now of a new pest to the school."

"Ah yeah, un. That brunette girl…Uh…Kira, yeah," Deidara said, popping his gum like a bad ass.

"Thank you Deidara…Now, seeing as she's causing so much trouble around campus, I feel we should recruit her." He stopped. "Also as Hidan and Kira have sworn to be enemies, if we recruit her, it means we can start a very clichéd love story."

"Finally it's my f*cking turn!" Hidan complained, throwing his arms out like a spoiled child having a tantrum. "I mean seriously! Kisame had a go and he's a mutant fish man and Zetsu went twice! Hell, I thought f*cking _Kakuzu_ would get a f*cking go before me and he's _old_!"

"Nah, he only loves his money," Sasori input as said member spotted a penny on the floor and made a dramatic dive for it.

"Can Tobi look at Kakuzu's shiny penny?"

Kakuzu hissed.

"Well, now that we've established the plot of the story - and that you are all, indeed, idiots - let's set out to corner this Kira girl." Pain gave a very out of character grin. "And remember: bonus points if she mistakes it for harassment!"

"…Creepy dude…Just creepy."

"Shut up!" The orange haired one whined. "I'm the leader, I say what goes! Tell them Konan!"

"Oh Kami-sama…Right guys, seeing as our 'leader' is being a little pathetic, I'll give the 'move out' order. So move out!"

And with the order, the guys all moved swiftly…to the door.

…And ten minutes later they were still there as they'd all moved at the same speed and attempted to get out at the same time, resulting in them ending up stuck in the doorway.

_~ It's the second time skip! ~ _

Kira was running. From what, she didn't know, she just felt as though she just had to, so she did.

Much like other amazing running scenes, Kira ended up at a dead end, her exit blocked by two imposing figures.

"Ah yes…Kira…" The first said.

"Oh, it's just you Akatsuki guys! Phew! For a second then, I thought you were my algebra and physics teachers!"

"I'll probably regret saying this but…why, un?"

"Well between you and me…" She beckoned them closer, giggling slightly. "I missed out one question on their homework sheets!"

"Hey, Danna…Isn't this what could be described as an 'epic fail', yeah?"

"I wish this example didn't have me included in it." The first guy sighed. "Anyways, Kira, come with us to the roof."

"Sure thing!" The girl replied chirpily, skipping to join them in their walk to the roof.

~ _Third time's a charm! Up on the roof! ~_

"Hey there guys!" Kira yelled when she saw the Akatsuki members standing there. "I must say it's amazing to see you all and- You!" She pointed dramatically at Hidan, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah bitch, me." He paused. "Y'know, I've changed my f*cking mind…I don't want to do this shit anymore! Why the f*ck do I have to have a love story with her?"

"A love story?" The brunette repeated. "I…I didn't realise you thought of me that way, you silver haired bastard! I accept your confession!"

"Huh?" Only then did the silver haired man realise his mistake. "No, Jashin-sama, no! I didn't mean it like that!"

"Come here you big lump!" With that, Kira threw herself at Hidan and hugged him tightly.

"I'll stop f*cking swearing! I'll read to Tobi for a f*cking week! Hell, I'll do anything…Don't sentence me to this!"

"Well you did know about it, moron, it was mentioned earlier." Kakuzu looked up from his money long enough to point out the fact to his partner.

"F*ck you Kakuzu!"

"Hidan honey, shh…"

"G-get the f*ck of me!"

The other members simply stood there clapping sarcastically.

"Tobi says congratulations!"

"I'm so happy for you Hidan, yeah."

"You both look wonderful together."

"You're acting like we're f*cking married! Shouldn't you be f*cking pointing out we 'got together' too quickly?" Hidan was still struggling away from his 'girlfriend'.

"Marriage?" Kira said slowly.

"C-c-crap! I didn't f*cking mean it like that!" Successful in his attempts to get away from Kira, he sprang back and ran, the girl chasing after him.

"Wait Hidan-kun! We have to plan our wedding and the names of our five children!"

"Hey…Shouldn't we have made her Akatsuki member and then told Hidan to mention the 'love story' thing?"

"Ah whatever. Besides…It isn't up to us…It's up to…_the great ones_."

"Yup."

"Yeah."

"Indeed."

Silence, besides the screaming of, "Get the f*ck away from me you bitch!"

Sasori tapped his foot idly. "I put twenty on Hidan climbing a tree to escape."

"He might steal a car, un," Deidara replied.

"I'm with Dei."

"Sasori does have a point…"

"Shall we cut class to go watch?"

"Hell yes!"

And with that, all the bad ass members sloped away to watch the normally fearless Hidan being scared to death by an OC.

* * *

_This one is a bit strange. The OC isn't officially a member, however, her 'dating' Hidan almost certainly guarantees her membership…Or does it?_

_Ponder that._

* * *

**Gahhh…I'm becoming random with these updates. Gomen!  
**

**Anyways, I have good news once more! Remember I said in chapter six that I had 'at the max, four more chapter ideas left in me'? Well guess what? There will be a bonus chapter after the next one's epic finale! The bonus chapter is the original idea for this chapter before I scrapped it. So yeah…A little bit of happiness [I hope] in the crap-ness of the world right now…I hope to Kami-sama above things get better in Japan…**

**Thank you to Echo Uchiha, LizaKon and Her Friends Are Sexist [is it weird that I've noticed you've changed your pen-name? Not too stalker-like I hope? ^^']. I thought the last chappie sucked so thanks for disagreeing with my judgement!**

**BTW, I have a poll for what to write after this is finished on my profile. It'd really help me [and M!] if you voted ^_^'**

**Please review! See you all soon!**

**PS: '_The great ones' _is just Pain refering to all authors 'cause we have the power! XDD See ya ;)  
**


	10. Harmonise Or Not?

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fan fiction)**

**_Chapter Ten - Harmonise…Or Not?_**

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_We are at the end of the book. However! We still have this idea to get through and I can assure you it will be one of the best ever!_

_I hope you enjoy!_

* * *

**[A/N: This chapter may be a bit difficult to get your head round. If it isn't, then that's awesome!]**

Fifteen year old Yami Mizu Storm Hoshi Sammi Tama (of the icy heart) Ko Jade Kira the third was strolling around a dark forest at night to set the right mood for the fic to take place- Uh, because…Well, she just was okay?

Anyways, Yami Mizu Storm Hoshi Sammi Tama Ko Jade Kira the third was just walking around complain-talking to herself.

"Ah I hate the world, dammit! I don't feel a tie to anyone here…it's almost like I'm from a different universe or something." She stopped to kick out at a tree branch, smiling slightly. "It's impossible but I wonder if in a few seconds a portal to another universe will appear and I will blindly stumble into it and find myself in the ninja world where I actually come from and where I'll be a good ninja for a while before my true parents - who front an evil organization - will come and 'kidnap' me to tell me the reason they sent me away was to save me or whatever but now I'm old enough I've come back to them and I'm going to join mentioned evil organization whether I like it or not." She exhaled, almost passing out from talking too much.

All of a sudden a - very convenient - flashing blue circle appeared right in front of YMSHSTKJK the third, and being the depressed OC she is, she decided to blindly stumble into it with no regard for the consequences…

One second she was in this dark forest, the next she was in an office, six people blinking at her.

"Oh my life, who the hell are you people?"

"Tsunade-sama, is she what I think she is?"

"Unless you're thinking that she's one of those OC type people that have come into our universe through a magic blue portal and that we're going to make her a ninja but then two members of the Akatsuki will turn up and kidnap her because they're actually her parents, then no, probably not." The Hokage sighed. "I hope you were following all that, as that's the basic plot of this chapter."

YMSHSTKJK the third nodded. "Awesome."

"So without further a due-"

"Wait, don't you need to know my name? It's Yami Mizu Storm Hoshi Sammi Tama Ko Jade Kira the third-"

"Yeah whatever. You're a ninja. Hooray. Go celebrate."

"I…I'm a ninja?" The OC repeated, her eyes filling with happy tears. "Oh my gosh, thank you! I'm so happy! My life has meaning!"

Tsunade sighed again. "Naruto, Sakura, Sai…Take her away from me. Far away. Preferably somewhere the Akatsuki will find her so she'll have nothing to do with us."

"Yes Tsunade-sama!"

Eventually with the combined effort of the three teenage ninjas, YMSHSTKJK the third was taken from the Hokage's office to the forest surrounding Konoha, along with a 'she's all yours!' note stuck on her back.

Night fell surprisingly quickly, and unsurprisingly, YMSHSTKJK the third fell asleep the moment it did, making her an easy target for two blacked cloaked figures, who proceeded to grab her, struggle a little with the weight and then take her to the man-cave.

_(A few hours later)_

"Ah~! That was such a nice nap!" YMSHSTKJK the third yawned hugely, righting herself, and not noticing the many dark figures surrounding her. "So…"

"Please don't tell me she hasn't noticed us, un."

"…I don't think she has."

"F*cking stupid bitch."

"Hey! I heard that!" The girl jumped up and took a quick glance around. "Let me guess…You guys are some evil organization that have kidnapped me because my parents who are…You two over there" - she pointed at an orange haired man and blue haired lady - "are my parents and you sent me away to the 'normal' world with a trigger inside me that would get me back here when I turned fifteen."

"Fifteen? I swear I set it for thirteen…" The man muttered, confused.

"You're made of f*cking fail, Leader dude."

"Shut up! Konan tell them!" He stopped. "This feels oddly like déjà vu."

"That's because this chapter is taking elements from almost every other chapter and mixing them together-"

"Shut up already!" The lady named Konan yelled. "Every chapter you expect me to make a sarcastic response to whatever you say…Geez, at least try to be normal!" She breathed out deeply, a silver haired man coughing, "Period!"

"Are you two my parents then?"

"Yes. I'm Konan and this guy is Pain, your father. We are, as you have guessed, the leaders of a super evil criminal organization named the Akatsuki. We sent you away for a reason I can't remember but who cares, you're back and that's all that matters!"

"Actually we have business with you, young lady…" Pain interrupted the mother-daughter reunion in a stern voice. "We are now going to offer you a place in the Akatsuki and if you don't accept, we shall force you."

YMSHSTKJK the third shook her head. "Nah papa, you don't have to force me 'cause I'll join willingly."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"You mean you're obeying your father's orders? I'm so damn proud!" Pain then proceeded to grab the nearest member by the arm and gesture towards the girl. "Did you see that? My baby girl listened to me!"

"**Dude…Get the hell off my arm or I'll kill you."**

_~ Time skipping! You know you love it! ~_

A few weeks later, everybody was at dinner, eating normally - well, as normally as an evil organization can eat.

YMSHSTKJK the third had settled in fine - along with the cloak, room and other jazz, she'd also been given a nickname because her full name was a pain to say (and write): 'Aka' - and life was good…as it could be when you're in…Well, you get the idea.

"Hey everyone…I'm happy to be in the Akatsuki and all but.."

"But what sweetie-pie?"

Aka shot him _the _look. "Dad, enough with being overly sweet! It's disgusting, especially at your age…"

"No back chat honey, or I'll make you clean your room!"

"It's tidy."

"Then I'll make you clean Tobi's room."

"I hate you pops." She stuck out her tongue. "Anyways, I'm happy to be the Akatsuki but I can't help but feel something is going to happen."

"Oh my gosh! Konan! Our daughter has a special ability!"

"No need to shout you prick, I'm right next to you!" Konan shouted down his ear before softening her expression. "What does it feel like is going to happen baby?"

At that moment a blue portal similar to the one that transported Aka to the ninja world appeared in the room.

"Oh I don't know…Something like that?" Aka stood up. "Let's investigate!"

"I say we shouldn't."

"I'm with the twat. He is the f*cking leader after all."

"Damn, you people are boring. If only the portal forced us all through it, then you'd have to go!"

Said portal then started to do what Aka had just said, pulling all members of the organization into it.

"You bitch! You jinxed us!" Shark man Kisame snapped, trying - and failing - to avoid getting sucked in.

"Whee~!" Tobi was having a tonne of fun, apparently not concerned about where the portal led (or about his personal safety - he was holding onto Itachi's sleeve).

"No! If I go through there, what'll happen to my money?"

"Shut up and enjoy everyone! Here we go!"

There were many cries of, "NOOOOO!" as they were pulled through.

And much like before, one second they were in the Akatsuki cave, the next they were in the forest where the fic started.

"Wasn't that fun everybody?" Aka asked, looking around. "Everybody? Guys? Deidara? Tobi? Hidan? Kakuzu? Kisame? Itachi? Mom? Dad? …Anyone? Oh my gosh I'm alone! What happened to them?"

"We're down f*cking here you over dramatic whore!" Hidan's voice complained.

Aka stood and glanced at the ground. "But all I can see are gerbils…Oh wait, you guys turned into them, didn't you?"

"No shit Sherlock!"

"Well, we're doing no good hanging out here; let's go back to my place and chill there!" With that, Aka grabbed all eight gerbils and began walking to her house.

_~ You know what this is now, right? ~_

"We're here!" Aka dropped the Akatsuki gerbils onto her couch and knelt in front of them, smiling. "Looks as though we're all gonna have to stay here until you lot change back."

The responses were mixed: Hidan glared at Aka, Tobi started bouncing up and down on the couch, Itachi fell asleep and Kakuzu had a mini fit about leaving his money behind.

"Because you are technically my guests, tell me if you need anything!"

_(Two Hours Later)_

"Aka, I want food!"

"C-coming!"

"Aka, the remote fell off the couch again!"

"Right!"

"Aka, Tobi is stuck in the letter box!"

"What?" Aka slumped to the floor. "Why me dammit?"

"Hey! Get up and do your work!"

Aka screamed wordlessly and the Akatsuki all chuckled: they'd managed to torture yet another OC.

* * *

_All I can say here is thank you for reading this excellent guide book and I hope you picked up some good ideas from it!_

_Happy writing!_

* * *

**Oh Kami-sama above this chapter gave me hell. I suppose it's my own fault really but seriously! The ideas were not coming as quick as I would've liked…Sorry guys!**

**Thanks a bunch to: Echo Uchiha, Neko Morie [M and I WILL write your one shot soon!], The Chocolate Queen, Lilac and death2society [Glad you liked! And you can use as many of the lines as you want XD]. **

**So…It's almost the end. One more chapter to go and then BAM! Over. I don't know if I'll be sad that I won't be working on it anymore or glad 'cause I hate attempting to write to a deadline! I really need to stop being so lazy…**

**Review please! It makes me happy!**

**See you next time :D**


	11. BONUS! A Plushie To Love and Stuff

**Disclaimer: This is the last time I'll say this [well, in this particular story at least]: Naruto is not mine. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto-sensei.**

**I also don't own SpongeBob SquarePants. [I borrowed a line or two and don't want to be sued.] Stephen Hillenburg does.**

**Ways To Join The Akatsuki (In Fanfiction)**

**_BONUS~A Plushie To Love and Stuff_**

* * *

_This chapter is a technique within itself. To reward your reviewers for all the reviewing they've been doing, throw in a bonus chapter! It makes the people happy AND gets you more reviews! Simple but affective._

_This idea may require a little personal experience…Though most of it is that wonderful tool we call IMAGINATION. _

_Without further a due, let's begin!_

* * *

She could hear the steps on the gravel. She sat up as quickly as she could.

_He _had arrived which meant _it _was finally here.

Like a bullet from a gun, the girl shot down the stairs and wrenched open the door. "It's here!"

The poor delivery guy felt terrified. "Uh, ma'am? Could you please calm down? I need you to sign-"

"Yeah, yep, whatever! Give me the damn thing!" She grabbed the pen and paper, hastily signed her name - Lila - and pulled the box the man was holding from under his arm. "There! I signed! Now leave! I need quality time with him!"

"If I may miss…It's only a plush doll-" The door was slammed in his face.

"Now…" Lila sped into her living room and plonked herself on the sofa. Breathing out slowly, her hands curled into talons as she ripped into the cardboard.

After five minutes, she was holding her mail order.

"Pain-sama!" She squealed, squeezing the doll to her chest. "I finally have you! I waited a week for you to come and you're here!" Lila then proceeded to fan girl for twenty minutes over the inanimate object.

The phone rang a few seconds later. Lila blinked.

"Oh, there's the phone! Well Pain-sama I'll just put you down on this comfy cushion, pick the phone up and stuff. I know me saying this is completely irrelevant but hell, it adds more words to the count. Heck yeah baby!" She then did as she said. "Hello? Amelie? Hi! OMG, you'll never guess what came in the post this morning! Uh uh…No, my plushie came! Yep. No way! He's adorable. Shut up! Just 'cause you're a Rock Lee fan girl! Sure, sure. But anyways back to my plushie…"

_~ Lol, time-skip ~_

So the day had ended and Lila was snuggled up in bed, her Pain plush sitting on a pillow next to her.

"You know what'd be awesome, Pain-kun? If you turned into a real human…" She yawned and settled herself, eyes closing. "But like that would ever happen…"

_(The next day)_

"Good morning world and all who inhabit it!"

"Do you have to shout? It's too early."

"Well yeah! It's part of my morning- Oh my Kami-sama!" Lila yelled when she saw she wasn't alone in her room. "It's…You! Pain-kun! Oh man!"

The Akatsuki leader raised an eyebrow. "Yes, it's me."

"But you were a plushie doll!"

"_Was_. But it appears some shit happened and now I'm human."

Lila was quiet for several heart beats, her head bowed.

"Are you even- Hey! Let go of me!" Pain bellowed when Lila launched herself at his legs, clinging on. "Geez it's like having Tobi with me."

The girl however, wasn't listening. "You're real! That's so amazing! Good things do happen to bad people!"

"Let go!" The orange haired one repeated, attempting make her get off. "My super-awesome criminal brain has come up with a plan! Now that I am real in this world, I, with the help of you, can take it over!" He ended it with an - evil - laugh.

"Pain-kun, never, ever, leave me…"

"Will you help me take over the world?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Kiss me now."

"No!" Pain managed to remove her grasp and made a dash down the stairs. "I'm not interested in you romantically! I only require you for taking over the planet purposes!"

"You'll love me soon!"

"D-don't touch me! What are you doing with that? Put it down! Gah! N-no!" A smash. "Ha! I missed- F*ck!"

And so that is how Pain/Pein, leader-but-not-really-leader of the Akatsuki turned human but ended up being frightened considerably by an OC.

* * *

_Okay, this time really is goodbye._

_Thanks for reading this most excellent guide book!_

_Good luck in future conquests!_

* * *

**TotalTownie would like to point out that she did not mean offence towards Pain/Pein fan girls…Especially because the OC's reaction is based loosely off her own when she got her Deidara plushie. Thank you!**

* * *

**Well, that's your bonus chapter. Quite odd. Though Rock Lee fangirlism was mentioned, so it's balanced out with epic-ness in that sense.**

**Thanks to the reviewers from the last chapter: Moonlight'sServant, Echo Uchiha, LizaKon [I borrowed something you said in a review, so I credit you!] and Flipspring. You're the last bunch to be thanked by name in this thing, so celebrate!**

**So…That's it. By the time you're reading this, this story will be marked complete. *Sighs* I don't quite know what to say…**

**Thanks to every single person that reviewed, faved, author/story alerted…Even if you just glanced at it, I'm thankful! The support I've been given is incredible and very inspiring!**

**To everybody that reads this in the future: hi there, thank you and um…see ya, I guess!**

**I suppose I'd better leave it at that. This has been a lot of fun! Please continue to support me!**

**Oh, and review this chapter, would you? XD  
**

**This is TotalTownie signing off from 'Ways To Join the Akatsuki' for the last time…Bye bye! *Bows***


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